未来的幸福，此时的经营

2009-08-13T23:18:00.000+08:00

hi all!! i'm moving... cuz i want more 'privacy' for my blog =)

~`yun

2009-08-09T13:56:00.000+08:00

even when everything bad falls on you..life still has to go on...

~`yun
my 21st dun seems at all happy, since day 1...

2009-08-08T18:51:00.000+08:00

矜持。

又是否会因此而错过？

~`yun
寻找平衡点。

2009-08-06T12:30:00.000+08:00

I question myself, so what will happen after the chemical reaction…

Thinking abt things, I wish there can be a switch for me to shut my mind up…

有些东西一旦错过，也许将会永远错失。。。
我不希望错失，所以也不想错过。。。
我想把握，但怎样才能找到平衡点。。。

~`yun
你就像风，拨弄着我的心情

2009-08-02T03:05:00.001+08:00

life have changed alot... really changed alot... i m no longer that gal i used to b... behaving in a manner which i myself dun like.... yeah, n so i muz say thank you too!!

sometimes its chemistry that does e job... when the same chemical is being mixed with a different chemical... e reaction juz turns out to b different.....

getting lost.. still getting lost i guess... but somehow, i enjoy e beautiful scenery in e maze... though i really wish one day, i'll walk out of e maze.. soon....

~`yun

2009-07-16T23:37:00.001+08:00

be it for e better or e worst.....

i found e courage, to face myself...

~`yun

2009-07-08T01:52:00.002+08:00

hmm.. its late, but not that tired now compared to juz now.. think perhaps i had passed my sleepy hours... n after i went thr my ppt i became even more energetic... lol.. looking forward to my co-teaching lesson this fri... hmm.. still quite worried... scared i might disappoint myself.. scared i dun do a gd job.. scared i'll be demoralised... but i still look forward to it... wanna know how well/ how badly i'll do... i need e precious comments from my CT... my phy lesson prep for this fri is more or less done i guessed... my i finally can concentrate on my bio lesson prep.. need to get it done by fri.. =( still got reflections to write.. hate that!!! bleahx!!!

~`yun
hopes my passion wun die off

2009-07-01T23:47:00.002+08:00

3 days for practicum had passed... suddenly felt that i have so much to do this wk.. by fri actually.. oh no!!! tml's already thur!! reflection only half done so far.... still got my ppt for phy co-teaching.... over e wkends prob will need to revise my bio n do up my ppt slides for teaching practise for nxt wk... oh no!!!! almost forgot abt e lesson plans..... n of cuz not forgetting e weekly reflection.... lucky this wk i seldom have any observations to do, but nxt wk gonna b more tough with all e observations put into place.... guessed there wun b much time for me to stay in e office to do my stuff.. hence perhaps all these have to b done after sch... being a trainee is tough, cuz there r juz many additional prep wk to do juz to teach one topic or even 1 single lesson...

well, though all these r not really graded in e sense that it will not affect my GPA... but i guessed i juz want to put in my best effort no matter my performance turn out good or bad in e end.... but i believe i'll really learn from my CT whom I felt r really willing to teach me....

e thought of not being able to wake up early in e morning is giving me loads of additional stress as well...sometimes i wished i could stay up late to do sm more wk... but den i'm juz so afraid that i would oversleep e next day....

time management, time management, time management.. guessed i still need a little more time to settle down, shake off e hols mood...

jia you jia you!!!

p.s.: i m aware that there r still sm prob with my blog... but really got no time to boher abt it now.... will c how things go first....

~`yun

2009-06-27T03:11:00.002+08:00

hi my dear frens... first of all i need to apologise for making u guys worry; secondly, i haven been able to solve e prob with my blog... well, actually i didnt really try to solve it in e first palce cuz i dunno wad to do..... anyway, juz hope that miracle will happen again this time like e other time when e background music cant b play due to e same reason:bandwidth exceeded ????? but nvm la... juz wait ba..

haha.. i finally got gd news to announced, i know that i seldom blog abt happy stuff... but somehow i really feel like doing so now.. =) hee hee... i guessed things r going well for us =) perhaps this is e turnning pt... though went thr lots of tears n torture b4 we reached here.. but i guessed it'll all b worth it if we all continue to put in e effort to become a better ourselves.. juz felt that it gonna b a pity if 2 people who were in love chose to part due to a series of misunderstandings.... perhaps it'll only b fair to give us another chance... at least after going thr all these, i'd realised my mistakes.... no gurantee that i'll b e perfect gal in ur eyes... but i promise i'll b someone better than who i was.... anyway, juz hope that things wk out n that we'd learnt to cherish each other more.....

~`yun
Loves can conquere all
More of Understanding,
More of Caring,
Less of pin-pointing,
Less of arguements.

2009-06-26T13:28:00.000+08:00

gods n devils exits in one's own heart...

~`yun

2009-06-26T11:49:00.001+08:00

time after time...

i lost, again n again....

i lost faith in guy's words...

i asked myself y....

y r such things always happening to me...

haiz....

2009-06-26T10:46:00.002+08:00

因为没有办法再爱我，你选择了离开。

既然离开了，就请别对我这么好。

也没有必要解释这么多；因为说得再多，也于事无补。

“别害怕我难过

告诉我你真实的感受

至少忐忑已告一段落”

~`yun

2009-06-24T22:33:00.003+08:00

u failed to change me???

i need to change my temper???? before that i think u seriously need to change your ATTITUDE!!

juz wad exactly do u wan??

u created all these mess n u expect me to do smth abt it....

u said wanted a break n wad do u want me to do abt it???

y muz u b dominatint yet u expect me to do smth abt it???

y do u treat me like dirt in e first place????

whose fault is it that things ended up this way... i dunno wads happening...

juz wad do u want!!!???

history is repeating.. cuz u always blame it on time.... u want a gf but is not willing to spend enough time with her... u want a gf but u places all other things above her.... i dun think wad u want is really a gf..... perhaps u juz wants someone who can accompany u as n when u wish n shoo her off when u got better things to do..

~`yun

2009-06-24T14:06:00.003+08:00

u said u wanted a break n u r waiting for an ans??

wad ans r u expecting from me huh!!!!????

maybe that word has no significance to u at all..... but u dunno how hurting u were...

u stabbed me n expect me to apologise for causing u to stab me!!!???

u wanted e time all for yourself... u sld b a happy person now...

u can choose to sms as n when u like.... no obligations....

perhaps tats e 1% of ur time that u r willing to give ...

i asked u so many times n nv ans my qn....

if u had realised, wad u r doing are causing us even more communication breakdown....

if u had realised, history is repeating itself.

Time, which u always loves to blame...

~`yun
i wonder wads on ur mind

2009-06-24T10:53:00.000+08:00

哀莫大于心死。。。

~`yun

2009-06-23T21:06:00.002+08:00

i gave up hopes, cuz i m afraid of being hurt again.

i cannot accept a part-time bf who places everything else above me.

i dun one a bf who is selfish n indecisive.

~`yun

2009-06-23T18:54:00.002+08:00

haiz.. u r pushing it all to me...

did u thought of how u made ppl feel???

y is it that my emotions must go along with yours???

who's e one being bad temperd n unreasonable here??

~`yun

2009-06-23T18:37:00.002+08:00

she dunno wads happening....

she felt all alone..

she hates these feelings...

~`yun

2009-06-23T12:03:00.003+08:00

我不知道这么做，最终会不会伤害到自己。

也许当希望破灭的那天，我会后悔。

但。。。

~`yun
我不知道。

2009-06-22T23:22:00.000+08:00

if u had realised.....

history repeated itself....

e same thing happened over n over again...

time, all that u love to blame..

~`yun

2009-06-22T22:36:00.009+08:00

i hate to admit this, but i cried.

now i finally understand..

u said we lost to e situation, cuz u place other things as priorities..

u said we lost to time, cuz u want more time for yourself..

u didnt loose to my temper, u lost to your attitude...

hopes shattered tonight.... u weren't there when i needed u....

so is that what u wanted???

i asked myself how much do i mean to u...

life may not always b fair, but every single one of us were given 24 h per day, no more no less...

if u wanted something but u r not willing to spare sm time n effort for it... that's being v selfish...

ultimately, what is it that u want? what is it that u want to do?

not what u want other people to do.

~`yun
utterly disappointed..

2009-06-21T23:36:00.001+08:00

just who is e one who needs to change first?

~`yun

2009-06-21T12:27:00.005+08:00

i hate being a top, being spun rounds n rounds by u..

if u haven made up your mind, sm words sldnt have been said.

if u had made e decision, then do not fickle, not to worry, n don't ever regret.

如果你连自己究竟要的是什么也不知道，
那你根本没有资格主宰他人的生活。

~`yun
love requires time n effort,
its not smth which u can draw a comma to as n when u like...

2009-06-21T03:22:00.000+08:00

The heart was made to be broken.

因为爱你而选择离开 is a whole load of crap, 只有当爱已消逝才会作此抉择。

~`yun

2009-06-20T14:28:00.002+08:00

e expected finally happened.....
i know this day will come.... some day.. juz some day...
on day, we'll juz have to face it...

moving out of your life, where i return you your freedom,
without me disrupting your life, i believe n hope life will b better for u...

i've learnt my lesson, nv to b too naive...
nv believe that any guy would treat u well forever, cuz someday they're bound to change when they finally gets tired...

little things in daily life drop little hints for you to catch...
everything happens for a reason....
there's a true reason behind everything.... n one thing leads to another...

your perserverence n tolerance tell how much things matters to u...
if it wasnt important to u den perhaps u sld let it go earlier...

i told myself that i'll not cry.... i'll not...

~`yun
true love doesn't need terms n conditions

2009-06-15T23:50:00.000+08:00

things r still not same....

changes.. changes which u decided to make.....

life still goes on.......

~`yun

2009-06-14T19:44:00.001+08:00

i wonder where everything is heading to.... i wonder how r things becoming........

when i thought of it.... i cried.....

~`yun

2009-06-14T12:59:00.000+08:00

so is love a form of trading??

perhaps to sm ppl, it is...

~`yun

2009-06-14T02:49:00.002+08:00

i guessed.... one needs to learn to b contended in order for happiness to come knocking on e door..

perhaps, happiness is really self-defined.....

~`yun
现实与理想的差距。

2009-06-07T20:07:00.002+08:00

sometimes, its good to stay away from e com, from my hp... from everything... so that there is no need to wait for anything.....

find smth meaningful to do or at least smth to keep me occupied....

i love to b a bz person.... a person with a tight schedule.... a person who has no time to think to think too much abt things...

~`yun
liyun questioned," when r u e happiest"
she still believes that actins speak louder than words.

2009-06-03T00:43:00.003+08:00

felt that no one understands her.....

felt difficult to b stucked in btwn.....

felt all stressed up, but nobody understands what she is going through....

felt that she has no one to listent to her....

felt that she has no one to depend on.....

felt that she is all alone....

~`yun
felt that she wants to leave this place...

2009-06-02T22:52:00.001+08:00

hello, ppl, I'm backed... ppl who reads my blog will know n those who doesnt wun...

sm one still owe me an exp... haiz... dun understand.

~`yun
tired.

2009-06-01T23:49:00.005+08:00

finally got back results.. haiz.. yucky!! worst results amd e 4 sems... but thank god really no more bio AS for me le... really no more le, no more le.. no more le... haiz.. n my sec class honours also flew le.. gd bye to... haiz.. missed by that little bit... juz that 0.02... haiz.... sm ppl r juz born unlucky....

i dun wanna think anymore... i gonna b a HAPPY gal.. i'll b happy. i dun wan to b bothered anymore... i gonna have lots of stuff to do.. i gonna b v bz from now on.....

will b away to msia with parents for hols.. dunno when i'll b back... no idea.... stay till i m happy.... no need to think so much.... dun need bother so much....

dun worry, i'll quarantine myself from ppl who r scared after i came back from MALAYSIA( not Mexico or NYC) juz in case i 'accidentally' spread H1N1 to anyone... but u know, e spread of viruses can b v scary de lor... bacterias n virsuses r all around us... juz a reminder... Sg also got cases of N1H1 leh.. so everyone, pls be careful hor!!!

~`yun
take care, everyone!!!

2009-06-01T22:38:00.001+08:00

once again, i felt as if i fell into hell....

wads e big deal!?!?! dun 'talk big' in future..

if u felt that u haven been 'trusted' by e 'adults', so do i.

~`yun

2009-05-31T23:43:00.002+08:00

i hope we've really talked things out n solve our prob...

its time for us do sm reflection as well....

hopefully things will only get better...

~`yun
smile =)

2009-05-31T12:33:00.002+08:00

i shall b firm this time. i not gonna let things past so easily anymore... onli until you realised that smth's not right...... its not xq, its for e better, for e prevention of accumulation of more n more problems....

~`yun
In the process of achieving smth, one might have to loose smth...
its a matter of give n take, its a matter of priorities.

2009-05-31T02:11:00.001+08:00

sensed history repeating itself on both sides

2009-05-31T01:56:00.001+08:00

but juz as i thought everything was going back on track... i was utterly disappointed... again...

~`yun
she wept

2009-05-31T01:44:00.001+08:00

Finally met up with sec sch frens, clique tgh wif wac... haven had such a big grp gathering for a v long time le.... had a gd time talking abt our sec sch days... all our own ps things as well as those silly yet funny things which we had done tgh... talked abt our frens n our teachers... oh no! wad will my students talk abt me in future??? will they still rmb me after they left sch??? will gd or bad things b said abt me?? shrug... will juz try my best to b a gd teacher =) still a long way to go ya...

as we grew older, our priorities changes... we meet new ppl n have much more things to do... n thus we might have to neglect some of our frens.... sld we b more understanding n at least try to understand??? perhaps sm ppl r worth sparing a thought for but sm r not worth e effort i guess.... i m sry, there may b sm ppl whom we juz have that 'something' against for some reason... dun expect me to like every single person around me juz like how i dun expect everyone i know to like me....... e most impt thing is that i m happy with wad i m doing n i does no to harm anione... i need not do things in e manner other ppl like so as to please them... but aniway, i believe that as time past, we would know who are the true frens n who r not...

n my dear frens, thx so much for all ya concern... things r becoming better le... i hope.. haha.. pray hard...so that i was a little moody now n then... i dunno y also.... haha.. but i m ok... really.. thx!!=) sry that i didnt have much to say.... not cuz i didnt wan to say, but juz that i m better with blogging 'at that moment' rather that putting everything into spoken words after that... anyway, thx alot...

~`yun
today's a happy day!!

2009-05-29T14:27:00.004+08:00

i finally witnessed the inefficiency of some organisation.. haiz.. for wad reason they have to make me wait five months for my next appt.... i've got a dateline by which i need to get things done ok!! went all e way down juz to get some stupid form!! Y cant they juz email to me or post it to me?? gave me a hardcopy n told me that I can either fill it up in written form or type it out.. which idiot will b so stupid to do that!!??

or maybe, they juz want to make things diff for people wo chose to give up their citizenship... haiz...

haiz.... i hate looking into e mirror.... my left face is jian bu de ren de... its really ugly!! sobz...

when will my pimples all heal!!!???? n when will all e left-over scars eventually disappear!!!?? urggh!! gonna live with an ugly face for few months at least!! i dunno wad went wrg in e first place, well, blame it on my itchy hand.... someone pls tie my hands tgh!!!!

~`yun
sometimes, being a perfectionist can juz make things worst..

2009-05-26T04:22:00.000+08:00

on e verge...

~`yun

2009-05-26T04:04:00.002+08:00

i wish u could understand that there r many feelings other that angry....

when one give a gloomy face or when one cries, it coulds also b that she is upset, disappointed, worried, insecure.. etc, etc, etc, etc....

she juz felt v 冤枉 that everytime she was being accused for being angry........

~`yun
she could not explain herself, though she tried.

2009-05-26T03:57:00.003+08:00

i wanna shout!! i wanna scream!! i wanna yell!!!!!!

urggh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hate my sore throat, its making my left ear ache....

i hate all e pimples on my pimply face!! could u all pls go away i beg of u....

hate being left alone....... not knowing wad to do....

i feel that i no longer understand... i feel that no longer feel secure....

i ask myself y is this so.. is it a lost in faith or a deepen in feelings...

i hate this, i hate this, i hate this.....

i gonna stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking!!!!

~`yun

2009-05-24T12:56:00.002+08:00

起初我还以为假日会是个转捩点，但我错了。

如果有一天。。。。。你又会怎样？？？？

是不是每一段爱情，都会有起伏的时候，甚至是陷入谷底的那个阶段？
若能共同的渡过，想必爱情会变得更坚强，
但却不是每对恋人都能化险为夷。

爱情是需要经营，不是拿来考验。
是双方面的经营、策划，而不是任何一方拿来考验对方的计谋。

~`yun
waiting for the turning point

2009-05-22T19:43:00.003+08:00

its v irritating that everytime i click on e link every now n then, it tells me that results is not available for release... haiz... at least they sld tell us a cfrm date... dun give us an 'expected date' which is usually after the release... haiz.. perpahs they trying to safeguard themselves....

urggh!! i think too much suspense is making me numb v soon... feeling v not at ease, but den maybe it might b better than to know it... haiz.... v fan uh!!

feeling sick... sore throat... pls dun let me loose my voice... i need it to chi fan one... ankle problem is back again... haiz.... it hadn't came to disturb me since quite some time ago but now its back... urggh!!

~`yun

2009-05-22T02:37:00.004+08:00

i wanna curse n swear......

really pissed off..... camped right infront of my com thinnking that results will b out @ 12 midnight(same time as other NTU students) but it wasn't released yet... y!!!???? wad good reasons do they have for releasing our results later den NTU students??? the total NTU cohort is so many times of NIE!!! wads wrong with the FPO!!??

urggh!! i'm juz v pissed off!!!

urggh!!! feeling v lousy after reading a blog entry posted few days back.. lousy, lousy, lousy, perhaps tats e best wrd i can use to describe myself.....

i dunno how things would turn out.... now i no longer feel like going for e trip to msia, at least postpone to a later date... i dunno when, maybe nvr... i no longer feel like going town to look for wad i initially wanted to look for...... cuz i m not at all confident.....

sometimes i tot problems had been resolved but it end up everything juz went back to square one.... getting us no where further.....

can anything b done so that everyone will b happier??

~`yun
lost all her confidence she had initially

2009-05-17T01:25:00.004+08:00

when there r more arguments than quality time spent tgh.... wad had went wrg?

when 2 ppl seems to b going different ways, where will we end up?

when no one is willing to try to understand, how can prob b solved?

when no one can meet each other's expectations n no one is willing to compromise, things can onli get worst.

if it really comes to a point when we could see only one another's flaws... wad more can be done?

when 2 person does not know how to cherish one another

~`yun
is really tired

2009-05-12T12:28:00.002+08:00

看来平衡点并还没有找到。

原本以为休闲的假日将会弥补之前的不愉快，
但看来，之间的距离也只会被拉得越来越远。。。

这不是我的错
不要把罪名怪到我头上来

逃避，表示放弃。

并不是你想要做什么，而是你最终又做了什么。

~`yun

2009-05-10T15:05:00.002+08:00

为什么在看偶像剧的时候再也不想以往那么地积极？

好累，好累。

i hate slacking @ hm... neither do i love shopping as much now....cuz i hate window shopping.

they somehow only add on to my stress....

knowing that i'll lag behind ppl...

everything didnt turn out as simple n as easy as i thought....

$50 might mean alot to u last time, but wad can it do for u now??

~`yun

2009-05-10T14:51:00.003+08:00

有些人就是比较的幸运，

当事事都不顺心的时候，也只能认命。

要不然还能怎样？

追求完美，好难好难。

一切完美对我而言简直是遥不可及。

一切都是心态的问题吗？我也希望我不是这么一个完美主义者。

being an imperfect perfectionist is tough.

为什么我总是有着这么多的烦恼？

我也不想把目光放得那么远，压力好大，令我感到心有余而力却不足。

haiz.. maybe wad i sld worry most now is my results... pray hard..

~`yun

2009-05-09T23:45:00.003+08:00

难道羡慕也是种罪过？

是对未来的一种期待，但未来似乎显得一点也不乐观。

感到茫然无助，好可怕。。。你晓得吗？

你又晓得等着你的又是一条怎样的道路？

我所看到的，却是一条艰辛的道路，而这条路的尽头又会在哪？

好长，好长，的一段路。

~`yun

2009-05-09T05:30:00.003+08:00

一切的一切，我都感受得到。

你为我所做的一切，包括那些你并没做的。

你的兴奋与快乐，我也感觉得到。

也许能够让你真正的快乐的并不是我。

已经不是第一次有这种感觉了。

这并不是一种气愤的情绪，而是万分的不安。

可是你从来都不明白。

~yun

2009-05-09T02:18:00.002+08:00

并不是小气或生气的问题，
单纯的只是信赖的问题。

一个没信用的人，又怎能让人安心地托付？

你，还是不了解，我需要的到底是什么。

自私，我问自己怎么才算是自私？？？

我不想做个闲人，我宁愿自己是个大忙人，
至少这样会比永无止尽的等待来的有意义。

~`yun

2009-05-08T00:32:00.002+08:00

好累，好厌倦。
为什么总是要为了鸡毛蒜皮的小事而吵吵闹闹？？？
意义又何在？
为什么就是不能天天开开心心的？

如果共同的目标不再存在，又是否还会有个终点？
前景似乎被雾弥漫着，我似乎感觉已失去了方向。

我感觉我是在孤行作战，盲目地在战场上奔逐。

好累，好累。

~`yun

2009-05-03T15:29:00.003+08:00

finally changed my blogskin =) now that exams r over n i'm super free cuz i've got no wk except for tuitions... haven get such a 'gd' rest since after jc i supposed.. abt 2 yrs i think.. feel kind of slack.. but its like impossible for me to look for other side jobs given my tuition schedule... so, its a good excuse for me to 'pamper' myself, otherwise i know i wun.

aniway, love this new blogskin v much.... scrapbook like, v colourful yet soft, soothing to e eye... unlike e previous one.. really too blue already.. lol... blue was my fave n 'only' colour other den e neutral colours black n white... but now i supposed blue's still one of my fav colours... noticed e diff??

ytd went shopping with dear n finally bought my birthday present from mum... lol.. delayed for so long cuz i juz cant find wad i like, n given e bz sem... not much time to shop for a real gd present.. i'm happy. seriously v happy, having found wad i had wanted for so long..it had all that i wan.., i'll cherish it n take really good care of it... waiting for dear to help me buy e pouch i wanted so that i can start using it....

having past 21st finally....
hope my looks, my dressing, my thinkings, n all finally 'better-suits' my age.. lol...

pray hard for gd results..

~`yun
Happy!!!

2009-04-24T01:29:00.003+08:00

juz sm random thoughts....

ppl walking in n out of our lifes....
how many can really remain as friends forever???
how would one define as friend???
how long more can friends walk down e road tgh???
obstacles coming in our way, as we all walk down our own road... how many would still b rmb???

there r sm whom we wished we had known them better,
there r sm whom we wished we had nv known them or at least nv regard their importance...

for sm reasons, sm have got no respect for their 'friends'...
they nv understand that words r 2-edged knives... or maybe they do but they juz find e joy of saying things to hurt others..
no matter how much time u have for ya friends, sm might define friends in that manner, but in my opinion... a 'fren' who has no respect for their 'frens' is nv a worthy fren...

sm frens u might only accept them after leaving sch...
sm frens u grew to detest as u know them 'better'...
there r sm frens whom u could have given up on...
as e years past, ppl changed, priorities changes....

what r your priorities? Who are the friends whom you truely appreciate n cherish?

~`yun
I qn myself...

P.S.: Mr LWM aka XQZ, e thoughts here talks abt the purest form of friends, so pls do not TTM. I can exp to u in greater details...

2009-04-19T15:35:00.000+08:00

another tougher war to fight again tml.. im not at all prepared... :(

~`yun

2009-04-15T18:52:00.002+08:00

fear creeped over me...

felt so helpless n lost....

i muz pull thr this again!!! final sem of bio AS!!! i muz, i muz, i muz.. i muz pull thr!!!

i pray hard, i pray hard, i pray hard...

i muz maintain my grades.. pls.... haiz.. though i know this sem's modules r all extremely tough.. haiz...its getting tougher n tougher sem by sem.. haiz... i dun wan my efforts n hard wk for e past 1.5 yrs to go down e drain.... maybe i can only have myself to blame...

i know its quite impossible, but i'm still pinning that little bit of hope... juz a little.... hope i wun b disappointed...

i tried to think positive, that i'll pul thr everything again..... but, e fear is really overwhelming...

~`yun

2009-04-10T04:39:00.002+08:00

haiz.... exam period.. stress period... troubled....

i sensed that history might juz repeat itself...

sometimes we need to put ourselves in another person's shoes to underatand how they feel.. good intentions might not aways pay off.. u might THINK that u r doing smth for another person'd good.. but it might not always turn out to b good

v tired.........

i need to concentrate!!

~`yun
still, its a long forgotten place...

2009-03-20T23:14:00.002+08:00

perhaps this place has been long forgotten...

i sldn't blame u cuz i myself have been neglecting this place for quite some time.... but at least this place is always here to share my sorrows, especially when i feel that there is no one else whom i can talk to or listen to me...

bad mood...... i cried....

i guess i juz feel like crying.. i need to cry.. there r juz so much things.... i feel v weak, emotionally weak today...

at first i was disappointed... i didnt want to dominate n be e decision maker.... now i know wads ur decision by default... its okay... i sldn't waste more of ur time..... there r always more impt things. other den studying, u'll still time to relax.. yup, relax.. do smth relaxing... not tiring n torturing....

more arguements in e family..... haiz.... i really wish i could leave this house.... where many things could have been much simpler.... if since u all detest me so much n always chose to stand on e other side... den leave me alone, don't bother abt me... no matter m i in e right or wrong, i have to b e one compromising n giving in.. y??? n if i chose not to give in, i become at fault.. wad nonsense!!! e weakest trying to show that hes more powerful by attracting attention, e weakest trying to dominate by using his loudest voice, e weakest trying to make everything go his way by being unreasonable......... i look down on u.... for being weak but yet tried all means to hide ya weakness, for expcecting e wole world to give in to u cuz u r e weakest.......... i chose to quietly sink into e background cuz i cant be bothered with u ppl, i've got much better things to do den to waste my time n energy on u ppl..

i'm disappointed, n i wish there could be sm1 to hear me out... at least this place nv forsake me so far.... at least i'll get sm peace here when there is no other ppl ard..

~`yun
seeking understanding

2009-03-19T01:02:00.002+08:00

i'm glad to hear gd news from my fren that she patched back with her bf.. :) hope he'll cherish her this time, or sld i say, cherish one another... best wishes..

everything happen for a reason... for every set back is a learning experience... to make one grow stronger n become a better person... to move on with life, in search of wads meant for us, for sm1 truely worth our love..

~`yun
u'll find your rainbow after e rainy days. i'm thankful

2009-03-16T01:59:00.002+08:00

想起了一连串烦不完的烦恼，心里头感到特别的沉重。
夜的寂静，令人感到孤单寂寞，好想哭。i need my 93.3!!

有时候，只希望有个人能听我诉苦，至少尝试去了解，但我知道现在并不是时候。
好好把握时间吧！

别把时间浪费在无谓的事情，无为的争吵，无内容的对话。。。不知为什么，忽然觉得你好遥远。。。是频道调错了吗？又或者。。。haiz....

~`yun
emo

2009-03-15T23:52:00.003+08:00

onli left with 1 more mth to e exams.. haiz... many assignments/ proj/ presentations on hand... lost in all my lect... no tut.. haiz... how to survive like that??!! stressed......

i hate e exams... n it somehow make ppl mood-swing....

i dunno.... haiz...

things dun seem to go e right way...... i dunno wads happennnig..... :(

n there seems to b much more things that i m troubled with... not juz studies.. haiz... sometimes i hate growing up (to fast).... more n more things will bother u... haiz.. sometime i asked myself if i'm finding trouble for myself by setting too idealistic a aim.. sometimes i wish sm1 could lend a listening ear n at least try to understand...

juz heard from a fren that she juz ended her r/s..... haiz.... once so close but in e end.. haiz... think things gonna b quite complicated for her.. but hope she'll stay strong....

haiz.... it makes me think... how much can we trust wad we hear?? how can we be sure of e future?? how long can a promise be kept??

juz hope that things will change for e better

~`yun
?question mark?question mark?

2009-03-01T03:14:00.002+08:00

sometimes u juz wish that ppl can understand u........

but at times, they rub salt into ya wound instead.........

别傻得把别人说过的每句话都当真，
有些话，不过只是说说而已。
说说而已的话倒不如不说也罢！

~`yun

2009-01-30T00:53:00.004+08:00

I M @#$#%&%* irritated now!!!

sm @#$@%^ irritating ppl who doesn't know how to respect ppl's privacy...

sm @$#%^$ over-sensitive idiot who always think that e whole world is against him...

sm @#^&%&* idiot who in reality has no manners at all but thinks thats he Mr Good.. puke!!!!

sm @#&%*% idiot who loves to complain n blow up matter.. making his own problem e whole world's problem!!!

@#$(^(*^%*^$$#%^& I simple HATE u to e core!!!!!!!!

i m not gonna give in..... y sld i in e first place??

u have been too pampered by ur good mother....... throw temper n expect e whole world to give in to u n go ur way..... @#@#$^&%&* idiot!!! wake up can!! face e reality can!!?? face this society!!

i hate u, i hate u, i hate u...... hate u to e core... an idiot who doesn't know how to solve his own problem, n instead make his own problem other ppl's problem!!! trouble maker!! idiot!!!

~`yun
bad mood

2009-01-02T14:26:00.002+08:00

when one got tired n things were no longer e same...

question mark, question mark.. ???

its a new year n perhaps a new beginning...

a new chapter's abt to begin...

can one really write our own stories???

it takes more den one hand to clap...

~`yun
dun cry onli after one realised that it had been lost...

2008-12-24T12:58:00.001+08:00

hao, ye xu zhi shi hen biao mian............

wo yao de shi shen me?? ni you zhi dao ma??

~`yun
disappointed

2008-12-23T16:50:00.002+08:00

oops.. realised i haven been blogging here for so so so so so long... since my exams till now...

i m so so so so so bored in e office now... at elast e last wk (3.5 days in exact) is a brisk one for me... nth much to do.. juz reply emails... haha... this is more like it k... more like e life of a part-timer...

dear's back... planned a surprised for me.. appeared at my house... when i was bathing... was v surprised when i was him when i came out of e bathroom (wif my clothes on of cuz, ms ong, lol)... hes surprise made me felt so guilty, guilty that i didn't fetch him from e airport.... =P

finally met up wif clique ytd, sry bee, we'll try to meet up more often in future... not necessary all 5 tgh lah... 2 or 3 also gd enough de... btw, i'm so sorry to wac, didnt intend to ps them... my "GD frens" also all v gd lor... pakat wif wm huh...

anyway, time past so fast... so fast dear's back.. so fast sch gonna starts again.. it seems like it was ytd when i was still mugging for my papers...at least this sem hardwork did paid off...now i m so worried abt my elective reg.. haiz... unfair.. 1 wrd to describe... tats all... nth more i wan to say at e moment...

life's full of ups n downs... not everyday's a sunday...

its all abt our rights.... u have e rights to do whatever u wan, n i have e right to not feel at all happy.. fair fair....

buzzing makes me independant...

~`yun

2008-10-30T22:18:00.001+08:00

lots of distraction....

STAY FOCUS!!!

hang in there...

~`yun

2008-10-27T10:29:00.002+08:00

this world is unfair... so perhaps its time to accept his reality... or perhaps i already had long ago.....

done tell me that u r not bias... its obvious that u r... yes, u r....

u onli notice me when he's not ard.. when they r not ard...

n thus when they r...... i chose to quietly diminishes into e background....

i wish i could leave this unwarmth place..

i meant nth at all......

if u said that i m not understanding, n so r u...

i shan disrupt ur 'happy-family'.... its better without me...

~`yun
running away.....

2008-10-25T23:22:00.000+08:00

when ur efforts are left unappreciated....

tell me wads considered enough???

for a gal in her 20....

have i done wrong???

i juz wish i could wk harder.... so that i can meet up to both ya expectation n my 'luxury'...

tell me wads enough???

n wad abt u???

tell me wads considered enough???

~`yun
a gal still in her 20...

2008-10-20T23:41:00.000+08:00

u made me cry.... cuz...i m touched...

~`yun

2008-10-16T22:12:00.000+08:00

ur words, set me thinking....

~`yun

2008-09-15T22:25:00.002+08:00

love your wk n u dont have to wk a single day...

after 'stepping into e society' for so long... i finally understand how it feels like to pay for all ya bills n manage ya own spendings.... n i finally c e obligations to save once u 'start working'...i used to b v so envious of ppl who r already working.. cuz at least they r getting paid every mth... but now i finally understands how it feels.... ppl will have a certain expectations of u..... now i understand... but i muz say at least i m leading a better life now.... not necessarily a better life den other ppl, but juz a better life than that which i lead in e past... it isnt as good as wad u all might thought... so dun need to b too envious... u all will come to understand it sm day...

ok, back to e topic... i muz say that when u really love wad u r doing, u'll love it so much that u wun feel that u r working.. otherwise, working becomes a dread.... i'm sorry i m bias.. but as humans it naturally... sometimes i do feel guilty, but all of us do have our own interest and passion... u cant expect me to like every single ppl... so it cant b blamed i suposed...

praying hard that i'll get to do wad i wan in future.. to teach wad i want i mean....

~`yun

2008-09-09T19:56:00.002+08:00

oops...realise that my blog had been dead for quite a while already..... sorry....

suddenly i felt lost for words... dunno wad to say... nth happy to share also nth to sad to complain abt...

juz a little unhappy.... juz a little i guess...

~`yun

2008-08-18T21:27:00.002+08:00

its juz e beginning of e 3rd wk of sch n wk already starts to pile up..... details of quite a no of assignments were already given.... stressed... though those AS assignments were due lie in late sept or early...but e amt of wk which needs to completed is scary....coupled by e other assignments from my edu mod... handed in my v first essay last fri, this fri wil b my grp presentation... actually wed alsogot another 'unimportant' one...n there r more to it.... juz so much more..... n of cuz there r still 4 exams to sit for at e end of the sem...

haiz... i shall stay calm..keep cool..... i can pull thr de.. jia you!

my dear, yi qi jia you ba...

~`yun

2008-08-15T00:20:00.002+08:00

its like 2nd wk into new sem... gonna hand in my v first 1000 wrd reflection later...

i couldn't produce a perfect pc of wk... but 've tried my best.... but how den will it b considered as 'best'....the wrd implies that nth more could have been done.... but at least i think i've put in enough effort....for pc of wk tat weighs 20%...considering e amt of wkload i have, e amt f time i have...my own ablity...haiz... i'm sry....

i'm tired.... juz too tired....

there r many ppl out there thinking that my course is slack...thinking that its easy to enter n easy to study...haiz.... juz let it b ba.... outside pp wun understand.... wait till they get a feel of it.... there is no other way to make ppl understand one another... onli we will....

tired...tired....

~`yun

2008-08-04T01:09:00.002+08:00

sem starts tml..... erm.. no,its later... 8.30 lesson.. early day bt eds v late..tuition afterhat.. i wonder how will my timetable changes... haiz.. for e better i hope.. pray hard...

i'm sry my dear.... i'm glad everything turns out well.... at least i guess we understand each others' thinking even better now.. sry for being selfish....sry fornot being understnding.... POL n XYLX will walk us down e road..

thx my dear....love u...

~`yun

2008-08-01T05:30:00.005+08:00

eeh.. its already like early in e morning le.. but i dun seems tob able to sleep though my eyes r v tired.... juz got my time table today... 5 day wk week again.. hopfully i will b able to shift away e only 1 hr phy lesson on tue.. den a least for once i can enjoy a sem wif a four day wk.. when i first saw my time table..i was a little glad cuz somehow it dun seems as compact as last yr... though i still go lots of late lessons which ends like five plus n my poor FRI ends at 6.30 p.m. urggh!!! but i was still quite happy having e hope that i might b able to shift e tue only lesson to sm other day... my time table has nv seem so empty b4!!! i didnt give it much thought den...

as i couldn't sleep..... i dunno y...maybe i'm thinking too much abt my timetable.... e topice which sounds alein..... how m i to cope.... how sld i arrange my tuitions.... dots dots dots dots dots...blah blah blah blah blah..... tired... eyes gonna close le... anyway, so i came online to finish printing all e stuff tat were posted online.... n i realise that i got afternoon bio lesson on MON!!!! n this was not reflected in my timetable...wad is wrg wif e stupid foundation office ppl??? so late den release e timetable, arrange these kinda sickening slots for me n miss out 2 hours of lesson!!urggh!!!! 2 hours of bio.... so after my 2 hours of bio which starts early in e morning @ 8.30, i'll have to wait 1 hour for my phy lesson which is another 2 hours.. n tats note end like wad my stupid tt states... i have go to wait another 2 hours for another 2 hours of bio!! somy day ends only at 5.30 instead of 1.30...urggh!!!!

so sorry for all these grumbling.... haiz...i guess sld try n go slp...

changes... wad more r there to come???

~`yun
我会加油！！！

2008-07-29T23:40:00.004+08:00

last wk of hols.. haiz..... these few days had been slacking ard....trying to enjoy e last wk of freedom.. once sch start wll b v tied down by sch wk liao..sobz.. haiz... sem starts, den look forward to e hols... jiu shi zhe yang..den wait for dear to come back...

~`yun
miss my dear...

2008-07-23T19:17:00.002+08:00

dear finally called me... hope hes doing fine... enjoy ya shopping... have fun b4 sem starts.... jia you....

kept myself occupied with 2 tuitions today,wanted to cheong 3 but 1 student cant make it... haiz.... tml will b shopping for gifts day for my relatives.... den may go visit ah ma if i have e time... after that i got to rush for tuition again.... fri accompany mm go check up for her knees.... sat i'll b back to msia for visiting... they sure will shoot qn at me de..... hope i'll b able to hold my tears when they mention abt dear... 我是坚强勇敢的..... im proud of my dear... will b back on sun... tats e plan for this wk... i gonna b occupied.... i dunno abt nxt wk... prob will juz slack @ hm.....to preserve n restore my energy for new sem which will start e following wk on e 4th..... dear, though we r at diff parts of the world.... we shall wk hard tgh..... jiayou jiayou!!

I miss u my dear.....

~`yun

2008-07-23T02:26:00.003+08:00

sent my dear off juz now... dear's on e plane now.. i cant sleep...hope dear an have a gd rest on e plane... hope its comfortable for dear to sleep.... jia you my dear....

i thought i would not cry anymore at e airport, but my tears still fail me in e end....

love u my dear...i'll b waiting for u....

~`yun

2008-07-19T20:31:00.002+08:00

surprise!! surprise!! dear appeared at my doorstep when i m feeling down...when i m ttm-ing, crying alone in my own room n blogging my thoughts out hoping that it'll help...i love my dear.... wo zhi dao ni shhi ai wo de.... wo zhi dao n shi wei wo hao de sui ran fang fa chuo le... but we finally resolve eveything de.... dear..... we shall smile throughout e few days that we have left.. wo ai ni.... thx my dear...

~`yun

2008-07-19T01:49:00.003+08:00

i'm sry dear if i cry easily these few days..or perhaps even crying for no reason.... i'm sry..... my heart is juz extremely fragile...... its like glass that can break any time..... i' m sry for being like that dear... i juz cant bear to let u fly.....

love u love u love u.....

~`yun

2008-07-19T01:44:00.003+08:00

dear....pls get well soon....wo ai ni.... i'm sry that i misinteprete ya wrds... onli few days left le...haiz.... suddenly i felt a loss for words.. haiz... shall blog again when i know wad to say ba.... i love u dear... thx for all e effort....

~`yun

2008-07-14T03:15:00.002+08:00

wondering if i'm being too naive...is it juz a too naive thought??? suddenly, all e confidence seems to b lost...

i felt lost.... n all alone..

i need a hug...

~`yun

2008-07-14T01:37:00.002+08:00

haven been blogging for a v long time liao.... fell sick.. was v sick.... actually now still sick lah..... dear, its not ya fult, so pls dun put any blame on yaself.... n thx so so so much for taking care of me.... <3 u.. muacks!

~`yun

2008-06-23T02:22:00.001+08:00

我是开心的哦哦！！！

since e dayi met u... muacks!!!

~`yun

2008-06-20T13:14:00.003+08:00

emo-ing.... sobz...

i'm sry.. other than that i dunno wad else can i say... i will put it effort, but will it b enough??? i'm afraid.....

is our transparent system working???? is it working both ways??? is it helping? or actually making things worst.... i felt unfair..... i'm sry....

if we dun face i up front..... we'll nv b able to get over it....

emo....

~`yun

2008-06-17T12:56:00.003+08:00

bought so much stuff during e pc show.. this is the first time in e past 20 yrs that i bought so much gadgets in a day... my mini laptop, my cybershot, my mp3, my thumbdrive, a dvd rewriter for my mini laptop... wow!! n there r so much free gifts which i dun really know wad to do wif them.... haha..... bu its all so worth it.... sum up still within my budget.. yeah!!! =) happy happy happy....

thx dear for shopping wif me,
thx dear for helping me to bargin,
thx dear for carrying my stuff,
thx dear for giving his advice,
thx dear for teaching me how to use them..
thx dear for this... n that...
thx dear for everything!!!

thx dear for always being there for me.... muacks!

有了你，我是开心的。

-36 days

~`yun

2008-06-14T03:01:00.003+08:00

the mystery of the Falkland island resolved.....

i nv tot it was a puzzle.....

but surprisingly enough, perhaps there's really an ans behind it....

but no matter if we are thinking too much or wad.... it doesnt really matter.... as long as we r happy... =P

i m thankful... i m thankful i found u, my dear.....

thx for being so forgiving.... thx for accepting all my flaws.....

thx for every single thing...

my sweet dear dear..

our certificate...

our transparency, our one-heart system....

as we grew closer day by day..... quality of time v.s. quantity of time....

:) i m thankful....

-39 days

~`yun

2008-06-11T01:51:00.002+08:00

10.06.08

On this very day, i finally said, "Yes" :)

是一种很平静的快乐

we had both been thinking too much e past few days.. little arguements here n there cuz we both cant find e reassurance which we were hungrily digging for.... it seems to lead us towards e wrg dir... n we ended up wif no constructive conclusion to our worries...

we finally realise that there is no point in thinking so much... no one knows what will happen in e future.... we sld juz live every day happpily as it is... n cherish all the time we had tgh, be it gd times or bad times...

i love e flowers... i'll b ur 1 n onli n so will u b mine...

i love e song u sang for me... it melts my heart....

i love all e time we spent tgh.....

last but not least, I L _ _ _ U, my Dear..

we strongly believe that if 2 hearts stays get as 1... all obstacles can be overcome...

Faith n trust gonna b e most impt elements in our r/s other den LOVE, we promise we'll be as truthful as possible to one another...

i m say i'm really pissed off wif a super paranoid woman.... dunno wads up in her brain... always thinking of all those things... haiz... i m sick n tired of all these... pls, i m already 20... she giving me additional pressure that is not helping at all.. pls dun try to act smart...

ok.. i think now (this part was continued e nest day.. lol)i m okay wif her liao.. she xiang tong le ba.... haiz... but she'll still b as paranoid......... but at least, she juz watch her words lah...

at least i'm feeling much better now.... e pressured feeling seemd to b fading away.. ;)

-42 days

2008-06-09T13:44:00.000+08:00

也许我们彼此都想得太多，太多。。。

~`yun

2008-06-09T10:21:00.002+08:00

i cried..... cuz i m touched....

i'm sorry... i shall treat u wif lots of lollipop!!!

we'll cherish the 1 mth plus we have tgh b4 u leave....

its compact, quality time spent tgh....

i choose to believe... cuz i know U r different...

-44 days....

2008-06-08T02:10:00.002+08:00

now i finally understand y....

i didnt know y i actually remain so calm when i heard abt it.... its not that i dun feel anything... i dunno how exactly to describe this feeling... there isnt too much sadness or wad.. juz a bit caught by surprise.. a little bit lost.... izit cuz feelings hasnt gone that deep yet though i dun deny there is this v special feeling in btwn.... or perhaps its juz cuz.. e time to part has yet to come... n i was still happily induldged in e current happy times???

will it come to this point of time when words need not b said out anymore n e qn need not b asked??? but somehow, e status is still impt.... perhaps u yaself is at e cross rd as well.... not knowing if u sld b 'noble' n set smth free to c if it comes back to u or sld u 'selfishly' hold on to it n keep it to yourself.... for e v first time in this 'frenship', i feel that status is indeed of much importance....

we shall c how things go....

~`yun

2008-06-07T00:29:00.002+08:00

大扫除。。。我会活得更快乐的。。。its a joyous occasion to celebrate....

~`yun

2008-06-05T00:04:00.002+08:00

results out.. caught by surprise.... no announcement was posted on e announcement board.. :@

erm... i'm not happy wif my results.. but i also wun say i m sad lah.... juz so so ba.... if i m in pri track, not doing bio.. it could have been better ba... haiz... bio always pulls me down.. :S somehow sometimes i find myself a daredevil.. i sld b glad that i survived!! =)

next sem got to wk harder ba.. 我想和你一起加油，努力！！！... shh... 这是不能说的秘密。。。

but, its like how far more can my grades go??? bio, i'm at e loosing end having no backgrd.... phy, all e As r taken n occupied but e smart guys.. there r onli so few spaces to fight for... given sucha small class... hmm... i'll wk hard... even though i know its liel.. "u dream on "..

nvm.. at least i pulled thr another sem... thought e improvements e negl.. but at least there is this tiny little bit.... jia you ba!!

~`yun

2008-06-02T12:10:00.003+08:00

i dunno wad went wrg with me..... i'm sorry.....

emo-ing... i dun wanna think so much

perhaps i'm not fit to b in love....

pimply face again.. urggh.. bad mood.... emo....

emo..

~`yun

2008-06-02T03:07:00.002+08:00

i tot i've made up my mind...

but, all of a sudden... i feel that e faith n trust is lost...... i duno y....

suddenly, i feel like crying.... i dunno y....

is this jealousy playing tricks on me???

y m i jealous in e first place??? what right i have to b like that???

is this e first drop of tear i gonna drop for u???

emo.....

a happy day which ended with a sad note...

~`yun

2008-05-28T13:50:00.002+08:00

我也很想相信你，但是内心深处总还是隐藏了屡屡的不安，时时鞭策着自己。。。

因为我知道，我已经没有抵抗力，去承受再一次的创伤。

我会等待那一天的到来，当我的心被感动到了不行，当我找回了勇气，去接受你的怀抱。

~`yun

P.S. ok, i've finally found a way to type chinese wrds, no need for ya all to read hypy le... =)